Living with Suffering

 

  

    I was fifteen years old when my eyes were open to the brokenness of this world. My childhood had provided me with shelter that blinded me from the fact that life really is a hard and brutal journey. I guess that's why adults were always telling me growing up to enjoy being a kid while I was able to. 

    

           - "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." (1 Peter 4:12)

       I never knew what suffering was until I experienced it for myself. In my walk with the Lord, I have learned that everyone has a story. Every person carries brokenness of some sort with them as they journey throughout life. As a child I never imagined that brokenness could exist in adults, especially in my own parents. In my innocent mind, my mom and dad were perfect. I relied on them for all my strength and support. In many aspects they did a very good job at providing my needs and being there for me when I needed them. But what I didn't yet understand was that they were humans just like I was, and incapable of being a perfect set of parents. It hit me as a teenager that all my life living under their roof, they suffered deeply in their marriage. My mom suffered a mental illness that worsened as I grew up. Because she refused to get the help that she needed, it led to my parents' devastating divorce, an estranged relationship with my mother, and complete brokenness inside my family. It's been almost four years since my parents' divorce, and everything is just so different now. How did the life I had as a child turn into the life I am living now in my early adulthood so quickly?

       All throughout high school I was throwing tantrums at God, asking him why he was making me suffer through what I was going through. I felt betrayed by my mother and was angry at her for the hurt she had caused for my family. But at the same time a part of me felt sorry for her. I could see that she was suffering, and it was painful for me to watch it. I felt alone in my brokenness and couldn't see that I am not the only one who suffers in this life.  

              

                   - "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galations 6:2)

    

        When I was still new to having a broken family, I would easily look at kids who had married parents that were mentally healthy and loved one another and decide that they didn't know what it was like to suffer like I was. Now I am aware that suffering can occur in many different ways. I've watched it take place in the lives of friends and people I've met in the form of illnesses and tragic events. For some of them I find myself shocked by how strong they are. Another thing I have learned is that even those who have not endured anything tragic and have everything that they want and need can still suffer from a lack of satisfaction. A satisfaction that can only be found in the one who has suffered since the beginning of mankind.

        Many Christians find themselves questioning God as they face trials that pop up in their lives. Why would God allow these things to happen to us if he loves us? But the bigger question is, why does God have to suffer from our sins even though we claim to love him. What we have to realize is that God suffers as much as we do, and he has endured it a lot longer than we have. He has been betrayed time and time again by the creation that he loves. He was even beaten and killed when he came onto earth in the form of Jesus. We betray him every moment that we sin or put the world above him. I was able to cope better with my suffering when I realized that my suffering is nothing compared to what he has been through. 

            

            - "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

    

    Instead of constantly questioning God on why he allows suffering to happen, we should instead look at our burdens as a reason to turn to God. Part of living in a sinful world is suffering, and without it we would have nothing to push us towards growth in our walk with the Lord. 

        As we face the storms and trials of this life, we can take heart in one thing. This is all temporary. The suffering that you endure now will be one day forgotten. Lean on the Lord now as you suffer the troubles of this life, and trust that he has a plan to help you through it. But also trust that his ultimate plan for you is a life that does not include pain or suffering. A life that is beyond human perception. While this life is a life of shattered hearts and darkness, we can still find light in it. In the midst of our sufferings, we can take heart in the fact that we have a home in heaven waiting on us.

With Love, 

- Emma