Letting Go and Letting God

 

        This is a post that I never imagined myself making, but the Lord laid it on my heart to share this piece of my testimony:

        Most people today are on some kind of medication, whether it be for physical or mental health reasons. Everyone has different opinions regarding drugs, especially ones that alter the chemicals in your brain. I am personally not fully against taking medicine, but this summer I have had a life changing experience in my own mental health that has made me think about the drugs we put into our bodies in a new light. 

        I was diagnosed with ADHD (ADD) when I was eight years old, and for thirteen years I was on a stimulant medication called Vyvanse. Vyvanse is usually consumed by children for the purpose of helping them have a better attention span. I struggled in my classes as a child because I had a natural tendency to daydream whenever my teacher was talking. No matter how hard I tried, sitting still and paying attention was impossible. Vyvanse changed my life in many positive ways, and I will always be grateful that it made school more possible to navigate.

      My only wish is that somebody told me sooner that no good thing on this earth lasts forever, including medications. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since my teens. Throughout college I found that navigating and coping with my mental health and daily circumstances was gradually becoming more difficult. My chest would tighten. I was tempted to isolate myself from others. I was hyper fixated on every little thing, including the past, present, and future. I was frustrated because so many people were encouraging me to "give it to God," but I just simply could not no matter how hard I tried. It was hard to get others to understand that anxiety is not a choice.

      Earlier this summer a dear friend of mine encouraged me to consider quitting Vyvanse, suggesting that it was most likely what was contributing to my intense anxiety. I was nervous at first because I had relied on this drug for most of my life, but it turned out that my friend was right! I have only been completely off of Vyvanse for a few weeks and have absolutely no regrets! It is easier to find joy when life feels dull. My mind doesn't jump to worst case scenario or analyze everything the way it used to. It's amazing how much good has come out of letting go of the drug that was harming me more than it was helping me and letting God show me that my life is better without it. 

       "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

        I didn't know right away that coming off my prescription was the solution to my struggles. It was a trial-and-error situation where I had to slowly wean off of it, facing withdrawals that caused me to feel extreme fatigue for days. I had to lean on God's strength during this time, and it was 100% worth it! If you are contemplating giving up something that might be negatively affecting your life or your relationship with the Lord, I encourage you to consider taking the risk of slowly letting go of the reigns of that thing. And if you are meant to have that thing, God will reveal that to you! 

                With love, 

                    Emma