Forgiving the Unforgivable (Part 1)

     This topic has been heavy on my heart lately. I actually had an entirely different blog devotional written and almost ready to post, but these last few days I have really REALLY needed to focus on the concept of forgiveness. I thought I would share what the Lord has been showing me in two parts.

    Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. These are qualities a person who claims to follow Christ should possess. Depending on their situations in life, some may struggle with one or more fruits than others. Now, I´m not going to get much into my personal life because I´m not ready to make a lot of my struggles public, but the category I stumble the most in is forgiveness, which I believe would be connected to the fruits: peace, gentleness, love, and patience. 

    I´m sure most of ya´ll have been told the importance of forgiveness since early childhood. The Lord forgives our sins, so in order to live like him we need to do the same. 

            ¨Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.¨ (Ephesians 4:32)

    This is true. If God can forgive me for my sins toward him, then why can´t I forgive sins against me? I have pondered over this a lot, and have realized that depending on the level of forgiveness needed, forgiveness is a quality that will develop in time as I walk with Christ. For instance, I went through a breakup in high school that really hurt me. For a while I was angry and didn´t feel like I could ever forgive, but after some time those negative feelings withered away. I was able to accept that it was in the past, and I could move forward. I compare that scenario to a whole different scenario in my life that will affect me a whole lot more than a breakup from high school. The painful thing about forgiveness is that sometimes it has to be towards someone who is supposed to be there for you, but emotionally can´t. Unless some miracle happens, I may be forced to forgive this person everyday until one of us dies. Unlike many scenarios of forgiveness, this person is still present in my life and still verbally hurts me. 

    For years I have begged God for forgiveness and peace. Ever since I started chasing the Lord, I´ve wanted to forgive this person, but how can I when they make it so impossible and won´t leave me alone? This isn´t a high school breakup where the breakup happens and I never have to see the guy again, this is a frustrating situation I don´t even know how to describe. Every time I feel my heart growing soft for them, they always end up bringing my anger back out.

    I feel like I could rant for many more paragraphs, but my point is that forgiveness goes deeper than just letting go and moving on. Sometimes, you really just can´t ¨forgive and forget¨. I have brought this to God´s attention, and have learned from him that because I am a human, I can´t forgive as freely like he can. The fruits of the spirit I mentioned earlier all come from the help of God. We stumble through each of them, but God picks us back up when we ask him for his strength. With this person I struggle to forgive, I do hang off a cliff edge when they hurt me. Then I ask the Lord for his guidance, and he picks me up from falling. He brushes the pain off of me, and gives me the strength to shine his light on my betrayer the next time we´re in a verbal conflict. God knows the hurt I have been through, and he knows my stubborn personality. He knows that I can´t be a perfect forgiver, because no human being can be perfect at anything. 

            ¨Though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.¨ (Psalm 37:24)

    Isn´t it just a relief to know that we can follow Christ and struggle all at the same time? Because of sin, people on earth live broken lives and have burdens to carry. I am going to continue talking about forgiveness in another blog, and go a little more into the perspective of the person that needs forgiveness. Until then, I hope everyone has a happy new year! 

- Catch ya´ll in 2023!

Emma